Alpha Billionaire Series

GAVIN

My eyes searched the room for tissues but all I saw was a roll of toilet paper sitting on the end table next to an empty bowl with a spoon in it. It appeared either Madison had run out of tissues and used toilet paper instead, or maybe she had them in another room—her bedroom? I reached for the half-empty roll and tore a strip off, handing i to Madii. She sniffled and took it, then wiped her face.

The minute I walked into her house I felt the weight of grief press in on me. Dishes hadn't been done; piles of tissues lay on every surface. Madison was not a slob, but her place looked like one lived in it. It broke my heart that she was hurting so badly that she'd let things go like this. If I didn’t think it would offend her, I'd offer to help her out. But I knew how fiercely independent she'd become since Drew's accident.

“It's going to be okay, Madii. I'm here.” All I could do was sit with her and hold her against my side while she cried. But I wouldn't dream of being anywhere else. The separation between us for the past few weeks had been more thar difficult. I'd sent texts and made calls, but they had all gone unanswered. I knew she needed space, but I had been growing impatient with her pushing me away. This dinner together was a vestige of hope, and so far it wasn't going according to plan.

Madison peered up at me for a moment but looked away. The shame written on her face yanked at my heartstrings. I had known she blamed herself for everything since the beginning, before we even had our first date. I still recollect the way she would sit across from me at lunch in the hospital cafeteria and pick my brain about new treatments, or therapies that might wake him up. It was one of the things that drew me to her, the fact that she sat and waited on him, never giving up hope. Even his own parents gave up hope.

“Hey, it's okay. Talk to me. I'm not upset with you."

I tried to turn her to face me, but she was being stubborn, so I did what I had to. I picked her up and planted her on my lap until she stopped wrestling against me and straddled me.

Her stubborn streak showed through as she refused to meet my gaze, but I clamped my hands around hers, so she'd stop picking at her fingernails. The result was a glare in my direction. I accepted it gladly. At least she was looking at me finally, though I would have rather she not be angry with me.

“This is unhealthy, Madison. You need to talk to someone. So if that someone is not me, that's okay, but please, for the sake of your mental health, find someone to talk to.” My grip on her hands tightened as she wriggled, trying to get away. Her chest heaved harder and faster, and I thought she was going to shout, but instead she began crying. “This is all my fault,” she blurted out. Her jet-black hair cascaded around her face like a curtain as she doubled over and collapsed onto my chest, her head nestled in the crook of my neck. She blabbed on about something I couldn't understand for a minute, and I wrapped my arms around her. I'd never seen her this upset, not even when the accident had first happened. She seemed more in shock back then. This was hysterics.

“Madii... shhh. Hey...” I smoothed my hands across her back, pulling her t-shirt down after it became scrunched up. Her sobs shook me, and so I held her more tightly. I wanted to ease her pain; I just didn’t know what she meant by this being her fault.

“Listen, I can’t understand you. I want you to take a few deep breaths and try to talk more clearly.” Grabbing her by the shoulders, I forced her to an upright position and snatched more toilet paper to put in her hands. I couldn't believe she blamed herself for our wedding being postponed. My own guilt bubbled in my gut. I had known about the new treatment, the possibility that it could help. I had been the one to keep it a secret from her and she had no clue I even knew. If she did, what would she think of me?

When she calmed a bit, she continued. “Drew... the accident...” Between jerking short breaths she spat the words out “It's my fault— I chose sc-scuba diving” She dabbed her eyes. “This... is all... my fault

Suddenly the reason for her shame dawned on me. She still blamed herself for his accident, and likely, she blamed herself for hurting me too. Now that he was awake, no matter what she did, it would hurt someone. Her amazing, wonderful, tender heart felt so much compassion it was crushing her. My heart instantly warmed at the realization that she loved me so much she knew I was hurting, and she didn’t want to hurt me.

I cupped both of her cheeks, using my thumbs to wipe away the tears that sluiced down her face, and pulled her toward me. The electricity between us was still just as real. Her lips brushed over mine lightly at first, then deepenec as I intensified the kiss. Like we had never missed a beat, she returned my affection, her hands weaving through my hair and taking hold.

It wasn't a kiss that led to sex, though I would gladly have made love to her right there if nothing more than to comfort her aching heart. This kiss felt like I was the oasis to a wandering soul lost in the desert of grief. Like she wa drawing life from my lips. So, I offered it with no reservation, willing to pour out my life source just to keep her heart beating. Her tongue danced across mine, two lovers in a tango across a tightwire. Until she pulled away.

Her lips were red, scratched by my stubble, but they matched her swollen eyes. Her chest still heaved from crying, and her face was still damp, but she was calm now. I pushed hair out of her eyes, my groin aching as arousal built. I wanted her, but more so I wanted her to feel comforted. So, I tempered my body's reaction and tried to focus on helping her feel better.

“Madii, none of this is your fault. Okay? You didn’t make that accident happen. You didn’t make Drew agree to scuba dive. You didn't purposely give him faulty equipment or break his regulator. You didn't—"

“You don’t know what you're talking about.”

Madison snapped at me, cutting me off. She'd never been angry with me like this before, so I wasn’t sure how to handle it. I sat in silence, letting her vent. Though when she attempted to get off my lap, I pinned her hips down, so she was forced to talk to me. She didn’t seem happy about it.

“You weren't there. You didn’t hear those conversations. You don’t know how I pleaded with him to do what I wanted And he did. He gave up his own bachelor party to do what I wanted to do, and then all that happened. And he almos died, and now look at him. He can't feed himself yet. He can’t walk or hold a pen to write.”

“You didn’t force him to do that. You didn’t know it was going to happen, and—"

“Let go of me!” She pushed at my chest, forcing her hips upward, so I released her. I hadn't come to upset her or fight, and I wanted to calm her down before things escalated.

After she stood, she pressed her hand to her forehead and began pacing, so I stood too. She had her back to me, but I followed her, right on her heels. And when she turned around, I was there. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight against my chest. I half-expected her to wrestle away from me again, but she didn’t. She stood stiffly, letting me hold her.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you angry. I wanted to comfort you. I was just trying to say that you don’t have to feel guilty. He's not dead. He's here.”

She looked up at me, sorrow in her eyes. “God, Gavin. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be awful. I'm just hurting and it's overwhelming and I don’t know what to do.”

A noise came from her bathroom, drawing my attention in that direction. I offered a confused expression to her, and she rolled her eyes.

“Violet... my sister is visiting.”

She seemed less than pleased, but I didn’t pry. One difficult discussion was enough for one night. Instead, I made a joke, hoping it would make her smile. “So I guess that means I'm not getting lucky on your couch?”

Instead of drawing the desired smile, my joke brought on more tears. Madii gripped my shirt and buried her face in my chest and cried, so I held her again. The bathroom door opened, and a ravishing younger version of Madison stepped out, a single finger pressed to her lips to indicate I should be quiet. She mouthed the words “sorry” and tiptoed into Madii's bedroom, closing herself in.

“Hey, let's get dinner.”

“I'm not hungry,” she moaned, using my shirt to wipe her face.

“I was just joking, babe. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Loosening my grip on her, I slid my hand down her arm to her wrist. She took my hand and shrugged.

“l want nothing more than to run away from all of this chaos to a planet where none of this has happened. Making love to you would do that, but unfortunately, Violet is here, and my heart is a complete wreck, and it would not help me sort out what I'm feeling at all” She led me back to the couch. “And I'm not hungry at all, so if you want to eat something, you can order delivery. I just want to be with you if that's okay.”NôvelDrama.Org content.

“That's okay, as long as you let me help you here” I pointed at the pile of crumpled tissues laying on her end table. The mess didn't bother me a bit, but it did reveal Madii’s mental state. She was a tidy person, and this was completely out of the ordinary.

She grimaced in embarrassment and collapsed onto the couch. “Fine.”

Her consent was all I needed. For more than an hour I listened to her talk about Drew and how guilty she felt. I didn” argue with her once, thankful she let me stay and hadn't thrown me out for the way I'd corrected her earlier. I cleaned up the place, did the dishes, and took out the trash, and when I was done, I sat down next to her.

“Thank you for letting me take care of you. It's what I want to do every day for the rest of my life. And just like I promised, I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to be as patient and loving as you need me to be, because I can't imagine how you're feeling.”

Her chin dropped, but she sighed contentedly. That was a step in the right direction. “I feel really confused right now and I just need time.”

“That's okay, Madii.” I tucked her hair behind her ear, and she turned her cheek into my palm. Then she lay down on my lap and snuggled up against me. “You really shouldn't blame yourself, love. I know you feel guilty, but you shouldn't. Okay?” My heart ached to comfort her in a more tangible way, but all I could do was listen and hold her. Madison shrugged and picked at a string on the inseam of my slacks. “Then why do I feel so guilty?”

I tried to get her to sit up, but she refused, so instead I played with her hair. “Babe, it's called survivor's guilt. A lot of people have it. When you thought he wasn’t coming back, you blamed yourself. Now that he’s here, you feel like it's your fault because you can walk, and talk, and eat, and all the things he can't do.”

“I have to make him better...”

My heart wrenched when she said that. I started to realize that what she was feeling might be more powerful than anything positive I could offer her. The guilt she felt might just snare her and convince her to stay with him simply because she felt personally responsible for his tragic accident. But what sort of life would that be for her? And what did that mean for me?