Dane’s Irresistible Desire

“Take care of yourself,” I smile at Cooper and hug him. I am here at the airport to drop him off. He will leave now to go back to Canada because he has finished what he needs to fix. “If you need some help just call me and I am willing to come back for you.”

“Thank you, Cooper.” I felt her hug me even tighter. “I’m sorry,” I added.

“Don’t say sorry, Dane. I understand, all I want right now is for you to be happy.” Then he pushed me and looked at me. “Just no matter what happens, even if I’m far away just call me, ok?”

“I am so blessed to have you. If only I could love you again, I would have done it.”

“Shh!” He wipes my tears. “Don’t cry, I hate seeing you crying.”

“Cooper thank you for loving me.”

“I won’t get tired of loving you, Dane. I will not get tired over and over. I’m sorry if I’m not enough for you to fight. I’m sorry if I’m not whole and I am lacking in everything so you can’t afford to love me whole. Maybe if I were straight we wouldn’t have split up. You shouldn’t have gone to me and you’re not hurt now because no matter what happens I won’t let you go.”This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.

“Cooper.”

“I love you so much, Dane. I love you completely even though I am not enough.”

“I just love you as a friend now, Cooper. I can no longer give you back my love as part of your heart.”

“Isn’t it really possible, Dane? Even a little hope. Even just a little love. Even if we just try and maybe your love for me will grow again. Can we?” I feel so sorry for Cooper. But I can’t give in to him just out of pity. I would hurt him more because honestly — I still hope Wallace and I get back together even if it’s impossible.

“I want, but I can’t. Especially I know it will only hurt you. Cooper, I can’t force myself. I can’t go back to the past.”

“I get it, and he’s a goddamn lucky but a bastard as well for wasting you.”

“I wish you all the happiness. Cooper.”

“But I will be happier with you.”

“I’m sorry.” I hug him and feel him hug me back. “I’m sorry, Cooper.”

“I love you, Dane. I love you so much.” He let me go and then wiped away his tears. “I don’t know if I can love as much as I love you. Because until now you are still I want.”

“I’m sorry for hurting you.”

“Don’t say sorry. I know you tried. Just take care always, ok?”

His flight was called so he left. I heard his loud sigh a sign that he didn’t want to leave. He nodded and smiled then touched my face.

“Gotta go.”

“Take care and call me when you arrive.” He just pouted and looked at me. He nodded and averted his eyes but later pulled me to hug him tightly again. I haven’t heard anything from him. He just hugged me tightly so I caressed his back. I feel like he wants to get me back. I could feel his love with every caress he gave me.

“I’m sorry.” The only word I say. I have nothing else to say but sorry because I know I hurt him.

“I will miss you and take care of yourself always.” He slightly tapped my back and released then turned away without looking at me again. He went straight inside so I just rested deeply when I could no longer see him.

I go back to the car. When I was inside I leaned back in the chair. I look at the airport remembering Cooper. If I was the only one to follow, I would just choose him and just give him my heart. But I knew I could only hurt him if I did that. Because I can no longer give him my heart.

Wallace, he’s still the one I’m looking for even though he left me. I know even if I force my heart to be happy with Cooper I can’t because Wallace is the one my heart wants to be with. I can only hurt Cooper when we’re together but he doesn’t have my attention.

I am a fool that I still hope Wallace gets back to me. He left the country a week after we talked and Dylan said he would fix something. I hope he fixes himself and then he comes back to me when he’s ok because I can still wait for him. It’s been more than a month since then but he still doesn’t come back and I honestly miss him even if I could only see his face.

When it comes to Wallace I get stupid and I don’t think about myself. Why is my heart controlling me? Even though I was hurt I still couldn’t get mad at him. He is still the one I love even though the truth is I don’t deserve to be hurt like this because of him. But I also hurt myself.

Fuck this heart, I don’t care if I’m hurt as long as I’m with the person I love. That’s why so many people go crazy because of love and I’m one of them. That’s why there are those who allow themselves to be fools. Some even agree to be fooled because they are stupid like me. It’s just because of this dumb heart that in fact you have the control but chose to be a fool.

I drove the car to the office. I just skipped because I delivered Cooper. But before going there I first went through a drive-thru to buy pie and float. I just waited for a minute and drive back going to the office.

“Wow, drive-thru, Cooper is starving you?” Jace asks.

“Yes, so what’s the meeting today?” I said and seat opposite to Phoenix. “But first, I will eat.”

I opened the box and took the pie. I covered my nose when I split it and smelled the pie. I feel like I want to vomit that I can no longer understand. My stomach felt like it was turning so I quickly got up and ran to the trash can. I vomit and I think I’ve taken out almost everything I ate.

“Dane, you ok?” Jace asks but I don’t listen to him because it looks like something wants to come out of my stomach again.

“Dane, what happened?” It’s Phoenix who has already grabbed the trash can and caressed my back. I vomit again and again until nothing comes out. Slowly I stood up and Jace supported me and handed me a tissue. It was as if I was suddenly weak. What’s wrong with me?

Blaze and Zeus look at me until I sit down. I look at them with a frown. I leaned over and took a deep breath. I don’t feel any different. I don’t seem to be in pain.

Besides, I’m already eating it so why does it seem to be weird now in my sense of smell? Couldn’t the rot have been given to me? But why I reacted like this if it just smells musty?

“Dane, are you really okay?” Phoenix asks.

“Welcome to parenting.” Blaze and Zeus said at the same time.

“What is parenting?” Phoenix ask again.

“You already have five, still stupid,” Zeus said.

“I also don’t get it,” Jace seconded.

“You always don’t get anything,” Blaze said.

But my eyes widened when I realize something. I hold my stomach and stared at them. I took turns looking at them and I could not speak. Is it possible that I ——–Am I pregnant? If yes, even if Wallace doesn’t come back, I’m ok.

At least I have a memory of my love for him. This is my chile even though he is no longer my life. I hope — I hope I already have a baby. I wish I had a baby. Who are you now to me Wallace if there’s a mini Dane here in my stomach.