Dirty Seduction

We sit in silence a for moment, and there’s a feeling in me, a desperate urge to tell her she doesn’t have to go home to an empty house, where nobody cares about her. To tell her I like her. To tell her I want to take care of her, the way I wanted to take care of Jane all those years ago.

To tell her the truth.

I tell her nothing, just put our empty bowls in the sink and gather her clothes from the laundry room. She takes them from my arms, tells me thanks, and I force out the words I need to say. “We’d better be getting you home.”

LAINE

The journey goes too quickly. The world zooms by outside the window and my heart thumps at the horror that this is it. Goodbye.

I don’t want this to be goodbye.

My palms are hot and clammy, and my fingers are fidgety. They twiddle around and around as I try to think of a way to make this last.

I just want to see him again.

My emotions are churned into a big messy ball in my stomach. It feels weird and uncomfortable, these feelings for Nick twisting and turning, so confused. I felt so safe in Jane’s room, cocooned in this floaty bubble, like cotton candy at a spring fair. I felt so safe there, so safe in Nick’s house, that I wanted to be Jane.Còntens bel0ngs to Nô(v)elDr/a/ma.Org

And I still want to be Jane now.

But I watched him. I watched him in the shower. I watched him and I liked it. I thought about him touching me and I liked that too.

I like him.

I like him like that.

The combination feels icky. Weird.

Fluttery and weird.

I can’t straighten it out and it won’t go away, so I just keep staring out of the window and praying he’ll let me see him again.

I can’t bear the thought of never seeing him again.

He asks me for directions to Kelly Anne’s house and I want to lie, tell him she lives far away, that I can’t remember how to even get there, but I don’t. I point him to her estate in Newhaven, and he indicates onto her street.

I direct him into her parents’ driveway and hold my breath, scared he’ll say his goodbyes and disappear now I’m back on home turf. He doesn’t.

He puts the car in neutral and says he’ll wait for me.

I smile in relief.

“I’ll be right back,” I say. “Just a minute.”

He nods, nd smiles, and I fumble with the door handle, tripping over my nervy limbs as I bundle out of the car. I pull my cardigan around myself as I ring her doorbell, and I can smell his lavender fabric conditioner. I love the way it smells.

It’s Kelly Anne’s mum who answers the door. She takes my arm and welcomes me in, yelling to Kelly Anne upstairs to announce my arrival. “Go on up,” she says. “She’s still in her pit.” “Thanks, Mrs Dean,” I say.

She tuts at me. “It’s Mary,” she says. “How many times do I have to tell you it’s Mary?” Her smile is kind and laced with that little bit of pity I’ve grown used to.

I smile back at her and then make my way upstairs. Kelly Anne’s bedroom door is closed tight. I don’t bother knocking, just let myself in and navigate the trail of dirty laundry until I’m at her bed.

“Kelly Anne?”

She groans, rolls over, and sleepy eyes barely focus on me.

“Kelly Anne, it’s me.”

“Laine? What are you doing here? What time is it?” She gropes for the phone on her bedside cabinet, checks the time, and groans again. “Urgh, not even midday.”

“You took my keys!” I snap, and all the fear from last night comes rushing back. “My phone, too! My purse and my ID! I was stuck out all night!”

She comes to her senses and props herself up on her elbow with a confused expression on her face. “What?”

I shake my head. “Jeez, Kels. You took everything! It was all in your bag!”

She raises her eyebrows. “No,” she says. “It wasn’t. It wasn’t!”

I feel my jaw hit the floor, gawping as she roots around the floor for her handbag. She pulls out the contents. Lipstick and condoms and a load of crumpled receipts.

“But where…” I stammer. “What…”

“On the table!” she said. “You were in the toilet. I left your stuff right on the table for you! I even scribbled a note on a beer mat!”

“But there wasn’t…” I think back to last night. To the horror of returning to my seat to find it occupied by other people, no Kelly Anne in sight. No Kelly Anne in the whole club.

“I left it with those guys…” she continues. “The ones we downed a shot with at the bar… they were right there, at the table next to ours…”

I can’t hide the horror. “You left my stuff with a load of drunk guys and disappeared? You left my money and my keys and my phone with total strangers and bailed on me, on my birthday?”

She covers her face with her hands. “Shit, Laine. I was wrecked. They seemed alright…”

“But they weren’t alright. Theyalright.”

She stares at me, and her eyes are pink and hungover. “You got home though, right? No harm done.”

“No. I didn’t!”

She sits up in bed and I’m so angry, my nails are digging into my palms, thinking about what could’ve been, all because she was too busy getting down with some random guy. “So what happened?” she says. “Where did you go?!”

I try to start from the beginning, but the words won’t come. I don’t want them to. I don’t want to tell her about Nick, or the guy in the alleyway, or being rescued. I don’t want to tell her about Jane’s room, and frosted puffs and watching him come in the shower.

It feels tickly and raw. And private.

“So you don’t have my stuff?” I say. “Not any of it?”

She groans. “Sorry. I’m sorry, Laine. I pulled an asshole move.” At least she knows it.

I try not to let it upset me, just like always. Try not to take it to heart. Try not to comprehend the scale of the disaster on my hands now I’m in the cold light of day and still don’t have any of my things. But it’s hard. It’s really hard.

“I’m gonna go,” I say, and my voice is tickly.

“Go?! Go where?”

“Home…” I say. “I’ll see if I can get in… through a window…” She throws back the covers and starts gathering clothes from the floor.

“I’ll come with you.”

“No!” I say, and my tone makes her stop in her tracks. “It’s fine… you’re still hungover, and I’m…”

“You’re locked fucking out,” she says like I don’t know that. “It’s the least I can do.”

And it is. It is the least she can do. But it’s too late for that now, and I don’t want her help, not with Nick outside.

I back away, heading for the door, and tell her again that it’s fine, that I’ll cope, and that she should get back to sleep.

She doesn’t need all that much convincing. No real surprise there.

“Let me know you’re alright, yeah?” she calls after me. “I’ve got so much to tell you about Harrison. That was his name, you know! Harrison!

And he was so hot!” Harrison.

That’s the guy I have to thank for nearly losing my virginity to some asshole in a back alley.

I say goodbye to Mrs Dean on the way out, and do my best not to cry before I break the news to Nick.