If It's Only Love (Lexi Ryan)

Chapter Twenty-Three

Easton

I’m back at Jackson Brews, Scarlett is settled into a room at the Tiffany B&B, and Shay is God knows

where. I’m loitering in the hopes that I’ll see her. She never replied to my text, and my stomach sours

every time I consider that she might be with Professor Douche.

Jake clears his throat and nods to the kitchen. “Can you help me in the back with something, East?”

“Sure.” I put down my beer and follow him into the kitchen.

Grimacing, he leans against the counter and runs a hand through his sloppy mop of hair.

“What do you need?” I look around the kitchen for something heavy that needs lifting or boxes that

need to be unpacked—anything to explain why he brought me back here. What I don’t do is look at his

office or even walk near it. I won’t return to the scene of the crime with Jake watching.

Not that it felt like a crime. It never feels wrong when I’m with Shay.

Jake takes a deep breath, opens his mouth, then snaps it shut again. What the hell?

“What’s up, Jake?”

“Listen.” He winces, like just having to come up with words is causing him physical pain. “I’ve never had

to do the protective-big-brother thing. I respect Shay and know she can make her own decisions.”

I arch a brow. “Why do I get the feeling there’s a big but waiting at the end of that sentence?”

“I heard you and Shay fighting in the office tonight.” He rolls his neck. “Then I heard you . . . not

fighting.”

“Oh.” While under a different set of circumstances, I’d be happy to own up to what I was doing with his

little sister in there, I have a feeling Jake doesn’t want to hear that Shay seduced me into a veritable

hate-fuck against his office door.

“Oh? That’s all you have? Seriously?” He mutters an impressive string of curses. “This is when you’re

supposed to tell me it wasn’t what I think. Dammit.”

I scrub a hand over my face. “Jake . . .” But what do I say? Yeah, I screwed your sister in your office, but only when she insisted? Don’t worry, we used a condom from your desk?

“First of all, regardless of how the rest of this conversation goes, let’s just establish that’s my office. I’m

going to have to have my cleaning lady in to disinfect the place. The only sex that’s permitted inside

this kitchen is between me and my wife. Got it?”

I laugh, but it’s forced. This conversation is painful. I’ve had testicular exams less awkward. “Sure.”

He folds his arms. “Are you serious about her, or is she just some convenient lay to you?”

My brows shoot up. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Of course I’m not kidding. You think I’m enjoying this conversation? This is Shay, Easton. She’s . . .”

He shakes his head. “Do you remember the guy she was with in high school and college?”

Steve. How could I forget the ass who had her so nervous he might call it quits if she didn’t give him

her virginity? The guy who stayed with her only to dump her in Paris? I bet I know more about Steve

than the Jackson brothers do. “Yeah, I remember him.”

“They dated for, like . . . three years?”

“Two and a half.” I wonder if she ever told her family that I met her in Paris. Obviously she didn’t tell

them what we did there, but she could have admitted we spent time together. Fuck, after the bomb I

dropped when she got back to the States, I bet she didn’t talk about it at all. That would be like Shay.

She’d rather pretend she wasn’t hurt than risk my relationship with her family.

“And then there’s this mystery guy she’s been seeing from her work. The guy I assumed she was still

seeing until she . . .” He pulls a face. He doesn’t have to finish that sentence for me to understand what

he means. He has the face of a brother who now has more knowledge of his baby sister’s sex sounds

than he ever wanted to have.

“They’re seeing other people.” The words taste bad. Shay isn’t the kind to sleep around. While I

wouldn’t judge her if she were, that’s not what she’s about. She’s a long-term kind of girl. I know she is.

We’ve both carried this thing for each other for more than a decade. But as the guy who just had a

quickie with her in the bar office, I’m not sure I’m the one to judge her choice to have casual sex with

some asshole professor.

Jake shakes his head then turns to the counter and starts unloading plates into stacks at the end of the

service line. “Did you know she always had a thing for you?”

I meet his eyes. “Always as in when?”

Jake shrugs. “Always always.”

I’m pretty sure any thing she had went both ways. “Did she say something to you?”

“She never talks about that stuff. Not to me, at least. But she didn’t have to tell me. I could see it. She

followed you around every time you were over. After you moved away, every time Carter brought you

up, she’d hang on every word.”

I swallow the lump in my throat, faced again with how much I lost when I fucked up with her. But even

with the horrible ache of that knowledge, I can’t regret going down the path that gave me Abi. “I’ve had

a thing for Shay for a long time too.” It’s ridiculous that I’ve never admitted that to anyone other than

Shay herself. Carter only knew I couldn’t keep my eyes off his sister. He didn’t understand that there

was more to it than a gut-level physical attraction.

“Is that what this is?” Jake asks. “This is all about you having feelings for my sister?”

I rock back on my heels. “Strong feelings.” Those words are too weak, so I try again. “I like Shay. A lot.”

He looks me up and down. “Good. Because you’re a pretty big dude, and I don’t know if I’d survive if I

tried to kick your ass, but I’d have to try if you were using my baby sister for sex.” Exclusive © material by Nô(/v)elDrama.Org.

Me using her for sex? I think you might have that backward, Jake. “I want something real with her. A

relationship. I’ve wanted that for years, and now the time is finally right, but it might be too late. I’m

doing everything I can to convince her to give me a chance.”

Jake nods. “Okay. But from here on out, please exclude fucking in my office from your list of everything

you can.” He shudders. “I can’t unhear that.”

“Got it.”

“I trust you not to hurt her,” he says, which is a bigger kick in the nuts than he realizes. “Now, excuse

me. I need to find a neurologist to cut the memories of tonight from my brain.”

Shay

I baked. I don’t remember the last time I let myself make anything with sugar and flour—high school?

Maybe middle school?

I used to bake with Mom all the time. I loved it, loved the feel of sweet, buttery treats melting on my

tongue, fresh out of the oven. And my love for it showed around my stomach and hips.

But last night when I couldn’t sleep, I got out of bed and made chocolate chip cookies for Easton and

his daughter. Because nothing says “sorry about the hate-fuck” like a plate of baked goods.

The trip to Oklahoma was a bust. I knew from the moment they picked me up from the airport that the

job wasn’t a good fit for me. I don’t have a good explanation—just that it didn’t feel right. They said

they’d contact me with their decision in May, but I already know I won’t leave my family for that position.

If George wants to judge me for that, so be it.

I park my car by Easton’s Lakeview Drive home and grab the tray of cookies from the passenger seat

with shaking hands. I feel a little bit like some sweet suburban housewife welcoming the new family to

the neighborhood. I’ve rehearsed my speech in my head a dozen times. “I know I wasn’t very

welcoming when you were in town, and I’m sorry. If you’re living in Jackson Harbor, you’ll be part of my

life, and I want us to be friends.”

“Friends” might be a stretch. I don’t think I can be friends with Easton Connor. It might physically hurt

too much. But my behavior during his last visit left a bad feeling in my stomach. I’m not proud of myself.

Taking a deep breath, I walk up his front steps and knock on the door.

I braced myself for Easton’s anger or his disarming charm. I braced myself to maybe see him shirtless

or in a business suit.

I did not brace myself for the bright-eyed twenty-something beauty who answers the door.

“Can I help you?” she asks. She’s in a T-shirt that’s cut off just above her navel and a pair of fitted

shorts that cover less than the panties I’m currently wearing beneath my jeans. Her hair is in a high

ponytail, her eyes are bright, and her smile is . . . perfect.

I am such an idiot.

I stumble back a step. “I think . . . Sorry, I . . . Wrong house.” I’m such a liar. This is definitely the right

house. Not only did I confirm the address with Ellie before I came, but everyone in this town knows

what house belongs to future NFL Hall of Famer Easton Connor.

I turn on my heel and rush down the steps, still carrying the goddamn tray of cookies. I’m enough of a

mess that I might eat these things if I weren’t in some sort of chronic state of vague illness lately. This

stress is gonna be the death of me if even cookies don’t sound good.

I run smack into a bare-chested Easton, and the cookies fly everywhere. Good thing I wasn’t counting

on a binge. “Shit. Sorry. Fuck.” Busted.

“Shayleigh.” He says my name so softly. Not like a curse—which I’d deserve after the way I treated him

the last time I saw him—but like a song.

I drop to my hands and knees, picking up the cookies to save myself from having to look him in the

eye.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was just . . . I just . . .”

He sinks down with me. When I plop a pile of pieces onto the plate, he grabs my hand. “Were you

bringing those to me?”

“Yeah.” I take a breath. “They were for you and Abi.”

He arches a brow, waiting, and I will myself to say the words. “I’m sorry I treated you like my own

personal sex toy. I’m sorry I pretended there’s never been anything between us but sex. I’m sorry I

freaked out when your wife showed up.”

They don’t come. Instead, my gaze is fixed on his bare chest and the sweat rolling between his pecs

and over his washboard stomach. Professional sports do amazing things to a man’s body, and as I’m

acquainted with every inch of this one, I can attest that the benefits go far beyond the aesthetic.

“Shay, my eyes are up here.” Scowling, I lift my gaze to meet his. He laughs. “Want to see the house?”

“Um, your . . . girlfriend is there.” I doubt she’s a girlfriend per se, but referring to her as his latest screw

seems rude.

“My who now?”

God, I’m such an idiot. After the way I treated him, he certainly shouldn’t be waiting around for me, but

she doesn’t even look familiar. Is she from around here? Or did he bring her from L.A.? “Blonde, perky

boobs.” I hold up a pinkie. “About this big.”

“Are you talking about Tori?”

I return to my cookie retrieval. “Don’t know. Didn’t get her name. She just answered your door.”

“The blonde who answered my door would be Tori, my nanny,” he says with a freight-ton of emphasis

on the last word. He’s not just saying she’s his nanny; he’s saying I’m freaking mental for assuming

something else. I know it to be true, so I’m not going to argue.

“Oh.” I shrug. “Your nanny, then. My mistake, but I’m sure people make it all the time.”

“Since she’s barely twenty years old. I would hope not.”

My eyes flick up to meet his. “I was twenty when we were in Paris.”

He rocks back on his heels with a deep breath, then pushes himself to standing. Because I’m a bitch.

Obviously. Shit.

Guilt washes over me. I abandon the cookies and stand. “I ruin everything. I was coming to apologize.”

He arches a brow. “Really. And what were you going to apologize for?”

He’s going to make me say it. Sonofabitch. “The sex.” I grind out the word.

His lips twitch again, and then he stops fighting it and full-on smiles. “I didn’t need an apology for the

sex.” He rakes his gaze over me and back up. “I liked the sex, Shay. You’re right. We are good

together. I didn’t take issue with the sex. I took issue with the part where you made assumptions and

refused to talk to me.”

I swallow. And here I am, making more assumptions. “Fair enough.”

He nods toward the house. “Want to come inside? I could make you some coffee and . . .” He rubs the

back of his neck, and the movement does such good things for his pecs and biceps. Is he intentionally

trying to use his body against me? He immediately knocks down that theory. “Abi’s home. You could

meet her. If . . . if you wanted.”

There’s something about seeing him like this that gets to me. He’s not exactly insecure but more

guarded and hopeful, and I realize I’m nodding.

He beams and takes the tray of broken cookies before striding past me and up the steps to his house. I

follow, half convinced I’m making a terrible mistake.

I’m a few steps inside the door when the nanny—I am an idiot—greets me a second time. “Hi again!”

She looks from me to Easton and back to me again. “You had the right house after all.”

I hear Easton’s quiet chuckle. “She’s not been here before, Tori.” He takes the tray of broken cookies

from me and hands it to Tori. “We had a cookie accident outside, but no one was hurt. Can you take

care of that for me? I’m just gonna show Shay around.”

“Okay! Abi’s had breakfast and now she’s upstairs organizing her makeup in her bathroom.”

Easton grins. “Awesome.”

He grabs my hand, and the contact sends such a shock of warmth through me that I simultaneously

want to yank my hand away and curl into him. My body hasn’t gotten the memo that last Saturday was

a blip and Easton and I aren’t happening again.

It’s so scary to have such a strong reaction to him. If I’d been asked six months ago, I’d have said I was

over him, or as over him as I’d ever be. I think you call that “willfully ignorant.” It’s just too hard to get

over Easton. Maybe I’m incapable on a cellular level.

“I promise I’ll get you that coffee in a minute,” he says, tugging me toward the stairs. “I want you to

meet Abi first.”

I follow him up the polished wood stairs. I love how warm this house feels. It’s not a marble showplace

where everything is intended to dazzle and flaunt his wealth. It’s his home—where his daughter will run

and play and hang out with her friends. This is where she’ll grow up and know that no matter what

drama happens in the world beyond, she’s always safe and loved when she’s inside these walls. This

will be his safe place too. The start of his new life.

At the top of the stairs, he turns to the right and knocks twice on the wooden door before pushing it

open. “Abi?”

“I’m in my bathroom,” she calls.

I follow him into the attached bathroom and spot Abi’s long red ponytail. She’s sitting at the small white

vanity with an oval mirror and a high-end spa’s worth of cosmetics and polishes in front of her.

“I’m organizing my nail polish by color,” she says. “That way I won’t buy more of a shade before the last

one is gone.”

Easton shakes his head, a crooked smile on his face as he watches his daughter. “Only you would

have so many nail polishes that you need to organize them like that. Are you going to do the same with

your lip glosses?”

“Obviously.” She grins as she positions a bottle of polish carefully into a drawer. “It’s not my fault that

Mommy likes to buy me pretty stuff.”

“As long as it’s only for play, it’s fine with me. But no makeup at school.” New chąpter avаilable oո

Drąмanоvеls.cоm

She rolls her eyes. “Mom lets me wear it whenever I want.”

He shrugs, unfazed by this tiny bit of defiance. “Mom has her rules, and I have mine.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She finally lifts her head, and her smile falls away when she spots me.

“I wanted you to meet my friend Shay,” her dad says, pointing the same warm smile at me he gave her.

“Hi,” I say.

“I’ve heard about you,” she says.

That is unexpected. “You have?”

“Yeah. You’re daddy’s friend. The girl who is prettiest and smartest and who writes books.”

My breath catches, and I look at Easton, who just shrugs and gives me a lopsided grin.

She sighs. “I tried to write one when I was seven, but I didn’t finish. Maybe I’ll finish a book when I’m

ten.”

“That’s what Daddy says too. But I’m not in a rush.”

“You don’t need to be. You can just enjoy being a kid right now.”

“Daddy says that too.” She stands, and I realize just how little she is. I wonder if that’s genetic or from

being sick. A pang spears through my chest imagining how it must have been for Easton when she was

in the hospital.

Maybe it’s just because she reminds me of Lilly, but I love her already.

“Shay hasn’t seen the house,” Easton says. “I thought maybe you’d like to give the tour.”

Her eyes go wide. “I would love to!”