The Soldier Next Door

I have been out for nearly two days. I got an infection in the sores on my stump, and the painkillers the doctor prescribed for the agonizing pain has had me knocked out sleeping most of the time.

I have not spoken to Ana in these two days at all. I am sure she must be worried sick. I look for my phone on the side table, but it is not there at all. I try to get up, but my body is too weak.

“MATT!”

Matt comes rushing into my room, “Bro, are you okay? What is the matter? Do you need anything?”

“Where is my phone? I need to speak to Ana.”

“It’s in the lounge, but bro, there is a problem.”

“What? Did she call? Did she tell me to leave her alone?”

“No, bro, no, nothing like that. The thing is, she was very worried about you.”

“Matt, what did you do?”

“Your phone was ringing the whole time, and she was worried because you did not answer.”

“Matt, what is going on? What is happening with Ana?”

“Bro, she is in the kitchen with mom. She has been here since early this morning.”

“What. Fuck! Does she know?”

“No, we just told her that you had hurt pretty badly and that the doc said you must stay in bed.”

“I guess there is no running from it now. Has she seen me laying like this in bed?”

“No, she said she will wait for you to wake up. Must I call her for you?”

“Just help me up and give me that thick blanket so I can cover myself up.”

Matt helps me to sit up straight and put the blanket over my leg, “Here you go. I will go call her now.”

He leaves to go fetch Ana. It feels like my whole world is crashing down around me into pieces. I can hardly breathe, my body is shaking, and my mouth has gone dry. It feels like the pain in my stump is shooting straight to my heart.

Then there is a knock on my door. “Come in.” I can barely utter the words as I try to speak.

She peaks her beautiful face around the door, “Hey, my soldier boy.”

“Hey, gorgeous boo.”

“You mind if I come to sit with you a bit?”

“I would mind if you don’t come here and give me a kiss.”

“She moves slowly on over to my bed and gently sits down next to me, “I missed you, do you know that?”

“Sorry, I think I did kind of go all AWOL there.”

“It is fine, your mom told me that you have been out for a bit, but I am glad that you are back.”

“Boo, you don’t know how happy I am to see you here.”

I wrap my arms around her shoulders and pulled her close. Despite the heaviness in my stomach, it flutters at the feeling of her body pressed against mine. Her touch makes everything better somehow. My lips seek hers, and they lock in a passionate kiss. She tastes like vanilla and has a slight hint of honey. I lose myself into her, the kiss turning into a deep desire and a burning hunger. I slowly pull away and rest my head against her forehead.

“Fuck boo, you have no idea how much I want you, but there is something we need to talk about.”

“What’s wrong, soldier? Are you about to break this girl’s heart?”

“Boo, I have a better chance of having my heartbroken.”

“I will never break your heart; I am too in love with your sweet ass.”

“God, Ana, you making it hard on this man.”

“Come soldier, just tell me, we can get through it; it can’t be that bad.”

“I don’t know the best way how to tell you this; I am just going to have to show or let you feel it for yourself.”

“Mmm, show or feel? This sounds interesting, soldier. I will go for feel; I am an all hands-on girl.”

“Can I just say one thing, boo, that no matter what happens from here on, I have fallen just as hard in love with you? And I am sorry for lying and not letting you know sooner.”

Before she can speak, I gently take her hand in mine, slowly moving the blankets away just a slight bit; I slip our hands underneath it. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, but not for long. Gently placing her hand at the top of my leg at my groin, I slowly start moving us down, watching her face with every inch we crawl. Just one more slight stretch…

“Soldier, what are you doing?”

“Boo, ssshhh, just one more second.”

Then…

We are at the edge, and I stop. Confusion sets in her face; I slowly run her fingers over the bottom of my stump. Her face lights up…

“Boo…?”

It turns from confusion to horror…

“Boo…?”

She holds her hand there; she does not move. I see her close her eyes, and a tear roll down her cheek.

“Boo…?”

She looks at me and slowly moves the blankets down my leg, revealing my entire eighteen-inch stump. There is terror and fear mixed on her now pale face; her hand is slightly trembling as she pulls the blanket back up to my waist, but she keeps her one hand firmly in place on my leg.

“Boo, please say something.”

Then she speaks, “What happened, soldier?”

There is a pain in her eyes, and I just know that I have just lost this girl.

“Boo…” I continue slowly and tell the same story I have told so many times over for this past week.

“Sort of like Mark, but you just got home in one piece, well less a leg but still alive.”

“Boo, I am so sorry.”

“No soldier, I am sorry. How did I not feel this the other night?”

“Cause I got good at hiding things.”

“Yes, and now you are stuck in bed because you wanted to hide it from a girl, this girl. Soldier, I am not worth all that pain.”

“But boo, you are; I have never been so happy in my life than I was with you for this past week.”

“Soldier, you hardly know me; why would you want to cause yourself so much pain for a few days of happiness?”

“Look in the mirror, Ana, and you will find the answer.”

We sit in silence as the tears roll down our cheeks. This is so not how I imagined the day would be when I would tell the woman that I wanted to be my soulmate that I am in love with her. As hard as this is killing me, I need to let her go.

“Boo, you don’t have to stay here; you can go.”

“Are you sure, soldier?”

“Yes, boo, I think I am going to sleep.”

I feel as she slowly slips her hand off my leg and gently places a kiss on my cheek. I look deep into her watery eyes, and I just know that this is the last time I will be looking into them.

“Get rest soldier, I will speak to you later.”

“Boo…?” I stop her before she can walk off.

“Yes?”Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!

“Thank you.”

“For what soldier?

“Thank you for making this broken man happy.”

“Soldier, I will see you when you are feeling better.”

With that, she is out the door and out of my life; I know that I won’t be seeing her when I am better, I don’t know if it is because I kept it from her or if I am a painful memory of what happened to her husband, I just know that I will never see her again.

I spent much of the rest of the day falling in and out of sleep, no nightmares of losing my leg haunting me but definite ones reminding me of what just walked out of my life.

The next morning I am wide awake early, strong enough to move around. I grab onto my new crutches as I hop on out of bed and make my way to the kitchen. For once, a very rare once, my father and Matt are not having a go at each other.”

“Morning, son,” my father greets me with which sounds a heavy heart.

“Hey, dad”

“Did you sleep, okay, bro?” Matt looks at me with a sad face.

“Why, did the yelling keep you up again?”

“Nah, you were actually very quiet,” Matt says.

I see a look of tenderness in my father’s eyes as he reaches out to me, “Sit, let me grab you a coffee.”

I signal for Matt to leave my father and me alone.

“Listen, dad…”

“Ethan,” he immediately stops me from carrying on. “I understand; you don’t have to apologize. I have been an asshole to both of you boys. You followed your dream and made your country proud, and here I am bitching because you never became a doctor. I am proud of you, son.”

My dad pulls me into a big old man hug, and I can feel his body shake as the tears stream from his eyes.

“Thank you, dad.”

We both wipe our faces and sit back in our chairs.

“So, where is this medal of yours?”

“Hahaha. I was waiting for that one.”

I hop off my chair to go back to my room and fetch it for him. I pause for a brief second and look at my phone.

There are no messages from Ana. I sort of knew there wouldn’t, but still, there was that little boy in me that is besotted in love that hopes there would. Would things have been different if I told her from the start? Well, I learned very early on that you should not dwell on the ifs in life.

I make my way back where mom and Chloe have joined dad and Matt in the kitchen.

“Hey, my son, are you feeling better today?”

“Much better, mom; thanks for looking after my stupid grown ass.”

Chloe looks a bit confused around, but when she finally feels confident, she asks, “Can I be the only one that is going to point the obvious?”

“Yes, babe,” Matt smiles and winks at her. “We know he is missing half a leg.”

“Hahaha. It’s more like two-thirds man.” I jokingly play along with them.

“Well,” Chloe says. “I kind of think you look hot for a broken soldier and all.”

Everyone burst out laughing, but the tears were stinging in my eyes. Mom can see, but she does not say a word. She moves around the counter and comes to rest her hand on my shoulder. “Ethan, she will come around; just give her some time.”

“Mom, I don’t think I can bear being away from her for all that time. I have learned to know the fear and look in people’s eyes, and I don’t think her fear will bring her back to me.”

Mom pulls my head close to her chest like she always used to do when we were young boys. Her hugs used to be so infinite. In her arms, I am safe, and my worries disappear. In her embrace, I am cocooned better than any butterfly-to-be. I feel her soft skin; I feel her warmth and the smell of freshly laundered clothes. No matter what, mom’s hugs always used to take my pain away, and they do still.